Danielle Kerr

Boldly embracing and promoting Hebrew culture
7 Great Things About Marrying a Man who Respects Women

7 Great Things About Marrying a Man who Respects Women

Respect and chivalry are two different things.

Boys should open doors for girls. Boys should protect girls. Boys shouldn’t hit girls.

These are just a few chivalrous things that boys are taught. They’re wonderful things that I’ll teach my son. To be kind to women, to be careful, and gentlemanly.

I remember growing up and hearing that boys would become “heads” of households, so I should listen to them. Husbands were the “kings” of the house. The ones who made the decisions and decided what was what.

This is a pretty common way of thinking in conservative circles of faith; but I believe it comes from misunderstanding.

But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is man. And the head of Christ is God.”

-1 Corinthians 11:3

I think this verse is misinterpreted. It is quoted as instructing a man to have control over his wife. Some husbands then set themselves up as the “god” of their relationship. But, in fact, men are every bit as fallible as women. Humans are not gods. Men need women to be with them and to help them. That’s why God created women.

Who can find a virtuous woman, her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband shall safely trust in her…she will do him good and not evil…”

Excerpt from Proverbs 31

I think the whole concept actually takes away from the duty that God gave women. We know that a wise woman builds up her home. She is the keeper of her home. I think this means so much more than just sitting at home. I believe it means she keeps the peace, maintains a holy standard, and also guards what comes in. And a wise man will listen and trust his wife, not try to subdue her.

None of this really bothered me until I married. I realized how unsure I was. I had no idea what role I played. Before, I advocated that women were supposed to sit back and watch the husband lead and encourage him from the side lines. We were, essentially, cheerleaders. I was wrong.

That’s the easy way out. He could tell me what to do, and I would listen. Perfect harmony, right? No contention. Everything would be running smoothly. Except we could be running smoothly right off the road.

Woman was created because a man by himself was “not good”. It seems as though women were created as a sort of necessity for men. That is why, I believe, we shouldn’t simply sit back and be a cheerleader. Because without us, a husband is not good. We need each other.

I have a brain that thinks and a perspective that is different from my husband. My emotions and thoughts and feelings are all wired completely different. I think that difference was intentional. If God wanted women to agree with men all the time, wouldn’t he have created us to be men? My husband being my “head” does not give him control over me. We are a team. One flesh.

And I know the blessing of marrying a man who sees me as equal.

I think when asked, men who have adopted this “domination” type leadership would say they respect women. They mistake chivalry as equality. Chivalry is beautiful but it is different from treating someone equally and respectfully.

My husband loves me, he is chivalrous towards me, and he also respects me as a person– his wife who was created for him. I know this because:

1. He listens.

A man who respects you listens to you. When you’re are telling him about your day or discussing something serious. In my marriage, there’s been times where Gideon has needed to correct me and there’s been times where I’ve needed to correct him. A good guy will listen to you. And you’ll listen to your husband. Because, again, you need each other.

2. We Make Decisions Together.

I don’t think there’s room for a hierarchy in a healthy relationship. There are roles, not caste systems. When a couple is in unity, it won’t matter “who’s in charge” because you’re both on the same path, going the same direction. If you can’t see eye to eye, it might be time to question yourselves. If you’re on the same walk, you should be in unity. When there’s contention in our marriage it encourages us to examine ourselves: our reasons, goals, and possibly motives. We decide together because we are one flesh. And then my husband leads our family in the right direction.

3. He is honest.

4. He doesn’t peek at other women.

Before I married, I remember my heart sinking every time I heard someone say “men are biologically wired to lust after women”. I heard that all men will gawk at women, even if they’re married and there’s nothing you can do about it; except cover up your own body so that other men wouldn’t gawk at you.

Well, I am married to living proof that all men are not that way. There are men who truly respect women and along with that, their privacy. My husband is one of those men, thank God.

Any man is going to notice a beautiful woman who shows off her body, but a man who truly respects women will honor her and her privacy enough turn his eyes somewhere else.

I can say with 100% certainty that my husband has eyes only for me. There’s is no denying that there are lots of gorgeous women out there and my husband has seen some. But at his core, he respects me and other women. And that is very comforting. Get yourself a man like that.

5. He is chivalrous.

Early in our relationship, there was a time Gideon and I were sitting together with a group of friends, having a bible study. A pretty girl walked up next to us and Gideon noticed she had nowhere to sit, so he gave up his chair.

I remember feeling a twinge of jealously, as if the reason he’d given up his seat was because she was pretty. But immediately, that jealousy turned to shame for thinking that and then to pride. Because I have a man that is good to everyone, not just me.

Chivalry and gentlemanliness are not dead, you guys.

6. He doesn’t scorn me for being emotional

I am an emotional girl. I tear up in movies and I cry when I’m hurt. My husband doesn’t.

But he doesn’t make fun of me for it. He understands that people are different. No, not all women cry, but some do. And some men cry. The fact that he doesn’t scorn me for my emotions shows that he has respect for me and my feelings. Not because I’m sensitive or weak, but because I’m a person who deserves to be considered.

7. He takes care of the house.

I’m a stay at home mom, so naturally I do most of the house work. I’m the keeper of our home and I take care of things that need to be taken care of. My husband does, too. Not because he feels guilty or because I nag, but because he lives in the house, and honestly he’s better at it . 😂

Gideon is a good man. He’s good to me and I love him and I respect him more than any other man I know. I believe women should respect their husbands, take care of them, listen to them, and do what what they ask. But I just don’t see marriage as this hierarchy umbrella of “husband, then wife, then kids”. Husband and wife are supposed to be one.

What do you think?


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