Danielle Kerr

Boldly embracing and promoting Hebrew culture
Proverbs 31 Wife

Proverbs 31 Wife

Today has already been a very long day and it’s only 1 o’clock. I struggle because I’m supposed to be going out on a date with my husband. I love going out with him. But sometimes after a really long day it’s difficult to switch off my crazy mothering brain and become an individual again. I know I’m a good wife, but sometimes I don’t feel it when I have these really hard days. Sometimes I feel like the proverbs 31 woman is so far away from who I am today.

Somebody told me once that the proverbs 31 wife is not a young woman.

I’ve heard lots of young engaged men say they found their proverbs 31 wife and how happy they are to have her. But last night I sat in a crowd of friends and family as we celebrated the 30th wedding anniversary of my mother-in-law and father-in-law. And as my father-in-law read portions of Proverbs 31, I knew without doubt that his wife had earned every one of those words.

Her husband has confidence in her and lacks nothing. She does him good, not evil, all the days of her life.”

“She rises while it is still night; she provides food for her family.”

“She perceives that her merchandise is good, and her lamp does not go out by night.”

“Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.”

“She is not afraid of snow for her household.”

“Many daughters have done well, but you excel them all.

Each phrase he spoke, I could immediately think of real examples of my mother-in-law being that very woman. She is strong and hard-working and charitable and generous and many more things on top of all of that.

I am not a proverbs 31 wife yet. That’s not a bad thing to admit, it’s just true. I wrestle with my youthfulness. I don’t think there are many women my age who could live up to the Proverbs standard, simply because we haven’t had enough time. Personal development takes time. And that’s something that we don’t think about. “Proverbs 31 wife” isn’t just a random title to be applied to every woman who loves Yah. It’s almost like a badge of personal development. The Proverbs 31 woman is extremely productive and hard-working and is a strong woman. She provides. She is industrious and intelligent. She is a pillar. 

What I mean by saying all of this and by sharing a little bit about my in-law’s anniversary party is this:

It takes hard work, dedication, hardships, good times, lessons learned, and lots of strength to really deserve the title “Proverbs 31 Woman”. All of that takes time. It’s a journey. And I don’t have to feel like a failure because I haven’t reached the finish line yet. I can sit down, take a rest, but know that I am capable of getting up again.

On these difficult days, the ones with little kids screaming, the ones where I have to decide which one I can hold right now, or which one I should attend to first; the days where I’m covered in spit up or had to clean smeared poop off the toilet but I really want to look half-decent by the time my husband gets home. The days where I have mountains of school to get done and errands to run, all while trying to maintain relationships with friends and family.

On these days, I can look to examples of women who have worked to be great human beings. The women who are a little bit ahead on this journey. The women who have been here before. I can know that they’ve done all this and came out of it stronger. If they can then I can too.

The Proverbs 31 Wife is not a blushing bride on her wedding day. She is a strong, hardworking, dedicated, intelligent woman with lots of wisdom and experience. She is brave. She trusts in YHWH. She is qualified.

And on these days, I can be encouraged that by the time I get to my 30th anniversary, hopefully I’ll really deserve to be called “A Proverbs 31 Wife” by my husband, too.

2 comments found

  1. Wow.
    The Proverbs 31 woman is something I have studied and held in high regard since being saved around the time I became engaged. We’ve now been married almost 4 years with 2 very young children and I am constantly comparing myself to her in all the ways I don’t measure up. This brought me so much freedom. Thank you, thank you.

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