Danielle Kerr

Boldly embracing and promoting Hebrew culture
“So…what do you DO all day?” – Being a stay at home mom. 

“So…what do you DO all day?” – Being a stay at home mom. 

“It must be so nice to get to relax around at home everyday.”

“What do you do all day?”

“So you don’t have a real job then?”

Most stay at home moms have had these comments directed at then. While I believe most of these comments are not ill meant, the lack of knowledge can get a little annoying.

Being a stay at home mom is often seen as leisurely, or an easy breezy pass time where women are granted the privilege to become couch potatoes. Many are questioned as to why they won’t go out and help their husbands earn a living.

I’ve heard these comments and, not knowing how to respond, I allowed them to make me feel inferior. That is completely silly, though, because as any stay at home mom knows, “staying at home” is usually anything but relaxing.

The modern viewpoint is irrational. A woman can make a career out of childcare, whether it be working in a daycare center or being a private nanny for a family. She can work an 8 hour day and get paid anywhere from 10 to 20 dollars an hour. During her day on the job, she feeds children, changes diapers, rocks babies to sleep, and teaches young minds kindness and to play together nicely. After her shift is up, she clocks outs and goes home.

Another woman has a similar job. She feeds children, changes diapers, rocks babies to sleep, and teaches young minds kindness and to play together nicely. Except this woman doesn’t clock out. She is always on call. She is always on the job, 24/7. The only other difference between her and the daycare worker or nanny is that this woman does all of her work for free, for her own children. But because the children are her own, it obviously isn’t a real job or real work and it certainly doesn’t pay so it doesn’t count.

“Because that woman stays at home,” people think, “she MUST be sitting around watching Netflix and vegging out all day.”

No, I’m not. She’s not.

Let me remind you that the reason  daycare workers and private nannies get paid is because taking care of children is no small task. It’s WORK. Hard work. It is emotionally draining and it takes a LOT of patience: whether the child is yours or not. Whether there is one child or ten. And I know a lot of SAHMs with more than 10 kids!

I wish people would take stay at home moms more seriously because we actually do quite a lot of work, even more than just childcare. Most jobs require at least some sort of effort whether it’s a paid job or a volunteer job. A stay at home mom volunteers to care for her own children rather than paying someone else to. This is so important because young children thrive on their mothers love and care. It is a good thing to stay at home. It is an important thing.

Of course I’m not saying that working mothers are unimportant. Obviously this is not the case! They are just as important to their families and society as well. I’d just like to get the same respect the nanny gets because of her job. I’d like to see SAHMS being seen for what they truly are: hard working women.

4 comments found

  1. Yes. Also understand there are some women I know who declare they are “homeschooling” their children when they are actually doing nothing of the sort. I know some women who take their kids on vacations and watch movies and call it “homeschooling”. Do not think I am saying you are this way, just understand some stay at home women need to wake up and actually get busy, instead of neglecting their housework.

    1. I understand your point. My mother homeschooled us and we were doing school from 7 to 3 and we also did homework. She was a caretaker for my grandmother and occasionally watched other children. She set a high standard for me. She was always busy teaching or helping. That’s what I aim for.

  2. Dani, you have a beautiful blog and you have a lot of wisdom! Thank you for sharing encouragement for other young people! I recently became a SAHM again with two little boys and it’s so hard! I’ve always dreamed of this but the lack of getting to clock out at the end of the day, not being able to contribute to the finances, no breaks… it’s tough. But the only thing we can bring with us when we leave this world are the relationships we have culticates … I wonder if that is what isn’t meant by storing up treasure in heaven… ❤️

    1. Thank Anna! Keep on keeping on. I know how you feel. It’s such hard work without much respect or any pay. But like you said, it’s incredibly meaningful. I’d do it a thousand times over.

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